It's Not Okay: Turning Heartbreak Into Happily Never After by Andi Dorfman

Author:Andi Dorfman
Language: eng
Format: mobi
ISBN: 9781501132469
Publisher: Gallery Books
Published: 2016-05-17T04:00:00+00:00

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Lesson learned: Don’t lie, don’t deny, but do test drive it before you buy.

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DAY 28. 5:45 P.M.

Moving Out

MOTHERFUCKER! You are never going to believe what just happened. I knew this day was going to be difficult. It’s the day I’ve been avoiding like the plague. But I’ve officially run out of clean clothes, am tired of smelling like Febreze, and know I have only one option: get my belongings out of the old home Number Twenty-Six and I shared.

As if it isn’t enough to have to endure a messy breakup, nobody tells you that eventually you have to clean up all that mess. It reminds me of those times when you go out on a Friday night (which I haven’t done in weeks), and you search for the perfect outfit before rushing out of the house. You return in the wee hours of the morning after a raging good time, go to sleep, and awake to a tornado of clothes, makeup, shoes, and shit everywhere. Yeah, apparently my relationship was just an extended Friday night—a blast until I realized I’d have to clean it all up. Only this time my crap isn’t strewn across my own floor but probably on the floor of the closet we once shared. Like a silly lost-in-the-moment engaged girl, I decided to make the big mistake of moving in with my fiancé.

The truth is, I should have never moved in with him in the first place. By the time November rolled around and my lease was up, our relationship had been on a steady decline. All normal couples have their fair share of fights, but with the breakups and makeups and plenty of tears, our relationship was anything but normal. Nevertheless, we were still engaged, which made my decision whether to renew my lease that much more difficult. I could either sign another yearlong lease in my current apartment (which felt odd considering I was engaged) or move into Number Twenty-Six’s apartment (which felt odd considering we weren’t happy). Obviously, I decided on the latter and chalked the decision up to being the “next step” in our relationship.

As I boxed up my apartment, I thought how different it would be to “officially” live with Number Twenty-Six, even though we had practically been living together for months. I was terrified as I wondered what it’d be like. Where would I go to get away when I needed “me” time? How would all of my clothes fit in the closet? Would he expect me to shut off the lights when I left the house? Good Lord, what if I have to go number two?

I quickly realized that despite a few minor glitches, including an overcrowded closet, extra loads of laundry, and the claustrophobia every time we simultaneously attempted to get ready in the same small bathroom, living with him wasn’t all that different. We fought just as much, but we also had some hilarious moments while playing house. Little quirks, like how picky he was with his hair, quickly became apparent.

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